Saturday, November 1, 2008

I know

I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
-Mother Teresa

Saturday, October 4, 2008


This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day.
You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they
want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.
And always remember.....
When life hands you lemons,
Ask for Lemon Chicken and call me over!!
Good friends are like stars.....
You don't always see them,
But you know they are always there.
'Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another,
Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway.'
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend
while I'm here
than a whole truck load when I'm gone.
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going...
'Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up.'

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with
your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things
with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in
your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another , 'Let's fight together,'
Another , 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym
shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many,
it's wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbour,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.

So whether they've been your friend for 20 minutes or 20 years,
share this with all the women that God has placed in your life
To make a difference.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Why Wives should not take their husbands shopping!!!!

Men and women have different opinions about shopping. Men are usually in and out kinda guys where most women like to "browse" Here is one man's solution......

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

  1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when
    they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  15. And last, but not least. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

Friday, August 8, 2008

Why Buy A Cow....

For all those men who say,
Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you:
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage,
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The love story of Ralph and Edna

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool.
Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered
her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to respond rationally to
a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that
your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe
belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?'
Happy Mental Health day!
You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend.

Friday, June 27, 2008


Values are like fingerprints.
Nobody's are the same,
but you leave 'em all over everything you do.
-Elvis Presley

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

all she wants to do is,

dance, dance,
dance . . .
Did you know that it's Beautiful Women Month?
Well, it is and that means you !!!
Below is a wonderful
poem Audrey Hepburn wrote
when asked to share her 'beauty tips.'
It was read at her funeral years later.

For attractive lips ,
speak words of kindness...

For lovely eyes ,
seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure ,
share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair ,
let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise ,
walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...

People, even more than things, have to be restored,
renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;
never throw out anyone.

if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.
If you share this with another woman,
something good will happen.
You will boost another woman's self esteem,
and she will know that you care about her.


On, Sister!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

On a positive note....

I've learned that no matter what happens, or
how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better 
tomorrow, if for no other reason than a sense of relief that 
whatever it was, didn't get worse!.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way
he/she handles these four things: a rainy day, lost luggage, 
screaming two year olds, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your
parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making
a "life."

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's
mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But
if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart,
I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch
someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm
hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I've learned that if you are going through Hell it is best to keep

I've learned that you should tell someone you care
about them. Sometimes they just need a little something 
to make them smile.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I want to live my Next Life Backwards!

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.
Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy,
you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting pension checks.
When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work. So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink and party.
As you get even younger, you become a kid again. You go to primary school, play, and have no responsibilities. In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy. You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap.
Until finally…
You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case!

Monday, March 24, 2008


"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
~Victor Borge

Mothers & Children

"It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers"
~Norman Douglas

Men and Marriage

We can not really love anybody with whom we cannot laugh.
~Agnes Repplier

Love Those Wrinkles

"At this point, I lie in bed at night and hear myself wrinkle. It wakes me up. The wrinkling comes in loud and clear because it is happening so near my ears. One night my husband sat right up in the bed and whispered, "The house is settling...or is that you wrinkling again?" But the good news is... wrinkles not only come from time and the sun, they also come from laughing at the absurdities of life, which increase exponentially after 40. They also come from looking surprised when your child hands you a woolly worm from the garden. They come from smiling when you see an old friend who is as wrinkled as you are. They are a roadmap of experience that you alone have enjoyed. ~ Liz Curtis Higgs

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Looking At Each Day

She is 92 years old, petite, well poised, and proud.
She is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock,with her hair fashionably coifed, and her makeup perfectly applied, in spite of the fact she is legally blind.
Today she has moved to a nursing home.
Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making this move necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, where I am employed, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready.
As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet curtains that had been hung on her window.
"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been
presented with a newpuppy.
"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room...just wait," I said.
Then she spoke these words that I will never forget:
"That does not have anything to do with it," she gently replied.
"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.
Whether I like my room or not, does not depend on how the furniture is arranged.
It is how I arrange my mind.
I have already decided to love it.
It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up.
I have a choice. I can spend the day in bed recounting
the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work,
or I can get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do work.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes are open,
I will focus on the new day and all of the happy memories I have stored away...
just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you have already put in.

I believe-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced
who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe-
that just because someone doesn't love you the way youwant them to doesn't mean they don't love you with allthey have.
I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I believe-
that it's taking me a long time to become the person Iwant to be.
I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I believe-
that you can keep going, long after you can't.
I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I believe-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be
the ones to help you get back up.
I believe-
that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give
me the right to be cruel.
I believe-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe-
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe-
that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
I believe-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe-
that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.
I believe-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see." "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did And noted that they were soft.
The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the Boiling water, they had changed the water. ''Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
This message is for those people who mean something to you; to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life. It's easier to build a child than repair an adult.
May we all be COFFEE BEANS!


One old love she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her how far she has come...
...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
...something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
...a youth she's content to leave behind...
...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...
...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..
...a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... to fall in love without losing herself... to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
...when to try harder... and when to walk away...
...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
...that her childhood may not have been perfect... but its over...
...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more... to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
...where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...
...what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... That will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F' YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
*Men can avoid arguments, just remember the terminology!!

Friday, February 8, 2008

<3 QUOTES <3

  • Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, BUT they still WANT the CONFESSION!

  • A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory!

  • As long as the world is turning, we're gonna be dizzy.

  • Every door that swings wide for you has somebody on the other side opening it!

  • I live by the truth that "NO" is a complete sentence.

  • JEALOUSY is all the fun you think they had.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

"Don't Forget Your Girlfriends"

I sat on a summer day, drinking iced tea and visiting with my mother.
"Don't forget your girlfriends," Mother advised, clinking the ice cubes in her glass.
No matter how much you love your husband, you are still going to need girlfriends.
Remember to go places with them now and then;
and do things with them, even when you don't necessarily want to.
And remember that girlfriends are not only friends, but sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers and other relatives too.
Women supporting and relating to other women is our responsibility and our gift.
"What a funny piece of advice," I thought.
"Hadn't Ijust gotten married?
Hadn't I just joined the couple-world?
I was now a married woman, for goodness sake, not some young girl who needed friends!"
But I listened to my Mom. I kept in contact with my girlfriends and even found some
new ones along the way. As the years tumbled by, one after another, I gradually came to understand that Mom really knew what she was talking about!
Here is what I know:
Girl friends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you need help;
Girlfriends keep your children and your secrets.
Girlfriends give advice when you ask, sometimes you take it and sometimes you don't.
Girlfriends don't always tell you you're right, but they usually tell the truth.
Girlfriends still love you, even when they disagree with your choices.
Girlfriends laugh with you and don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.
Girlfriends pull you out of jams.
Girlfriends don't keep a calendar of who hosted the other's last big party.
Girlfriends will celebrate for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that happens.
Girlfriends are there for you in an instant, and when the hard times come.
Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.
Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.
Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.
Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.
Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.
Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.
Times passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up.
Marriages fail. Love waxes and wanes. Hearts break. Careers end.
Jobs come and go. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors.
Men don't call when they say they will.
But girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out. My daughters, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, nieces, cousins, extended family,
and friends bless my life.
The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead, nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

The **BIG** M

A Wise Woman....

"It is better to have loved and lost ...than have spent the rest of your life with an asshole."

I'm A Bitch, Are You???

I'm A Bitch, Are You?

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, or do things my own way,
they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch entails raising my children to be strong people who have a solid
sense of personal and social responsibility, who are not afraid to stand
up for what they believe in and who love and respect themselves
for the beautiful beings they are.

Being a bitch means that I am free to be the wonderful creature
that am, with all my own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step
on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it,
I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of
being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

I am proud to be a bitch!
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be
who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what
they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated, and determined. By God, I want what I want,
and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.

You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

Author Unknown


one old love she can imagine going back to ...
and one who reminds her how far she has come ...
enough money within her control to move out and rent
a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
something perfect to wear if the employer or date
of her dreams wants to see her in an hour ...
a youth she's content to leave behind...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra ...
one friend who always makes her laugh...
and one who lets her cry ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by
anyone else in her family ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that
will make her guests feel honored ...
a feeling of control over her destiny ...
how to fall in love without losing herself ...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship ...
when to try harder ...
and when to walk away ...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips,
or the nature of her parents ...
that her childhood may not have been perfect ...
but its over ...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more ...
how to live alone ...
even if she doesn't like it ...
whom she can trust, whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally ...
where to go ...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table ...
or a charming inn in the woods ...
when her soul needs soothing ...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day ...
a month ...
and a year ...
Author Unknown

Woman In The Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self, and the world makes you queen for a day, Just go to a mirror and look at yourself, and see what THAT woman has to say.

Some people may think you a straight-shootin' chum, And call you a person of place, But the woman in the glass says you're only a bum if you can't look her straight in the face.

She's the woman to please, never mind all the rest, For she's with you clear up to the end, And you've pased your most dangerous, difficult test, If the woman in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years, And get pats on the back as you pass, But your final reward will be heartaches and tears, If you've cheated the woman in the glass!

Author Unknown

What Else PMS Stands For:

Psychotic Mood Shift
Pass My Shotgun
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid-Section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Mid-Life Is When........

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream
"Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!"

Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, teenager and think:
"For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can still retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally ... more red
and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the "big" questions.
What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before
it's no longer a healthy choice?

But ... mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.

We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our loved ones make
the journey worthwhile.

Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had back then?

Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all of the wisdom
and love we've acquired ... that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Power and Beauty of your Youth.....

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind ... You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now ... how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions

When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to
take over my yard.
My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person
who probably wants money and I look away.
My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much
rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen.
My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words.
If they don'tknow them, they make up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up
my hair and pulling me back when I walk.
My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they
fall to the ground laughing.
When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that.
My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends.
Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet,
I would miss my Mommy and Daddy."
When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets.
My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?
No wonder God loves the little children!
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and
realize they were the big things.
I wish the world Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!!!
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away."


All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

It took five minutes for the TV to warm up?

Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?

Nobody owned a purebred dog?

When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had
their hair done every day and wore high heels?

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped,
without asking, all for free, every time?
And you didn't pay for air?
And, you got trading stamps to boot?

Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a
real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . ...and they did?

When a 55 Chevy was everyone's dream cruise, peel out, lay rubber
or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in
the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things
like, "That cloud looks like a ..."

and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?

Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because
no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in
time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today?

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that
awaited the student at home?

Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't
because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!

But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Do you remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Doody
and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger,

The Shadow Knows,
Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.
As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games,

Hula Hoops, bowling
and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn't that feel good,
just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"?

And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better
and too young to care.

How many of these do you remember?

Candy cigarettes, Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside, Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles,

Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes, Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum,

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers,
Newsreels before the movie,

P.F. Fliers, Telephone numbers with a
word prefix....(Raymond 4-601). Party lines, Peashooters, Howdy Doody,

45 RPM records, Green Stamps, Hi-Fi's, Metal ice cube trays with
levers, Mimeograph paper, Beanie and Cecil,

Roller-skate keys, Cork pop guns,
Drive ins, Studebakers, Washtub wringers,

The Fuller Brush Man, Reel-To-Reel tape
recorders, Tinkertoys, Erector Sets, The Fort Apache Play Set,

Lincoln Logs,
15 cent McDonald hamburgers,
5 cent packs of baseball cards - with that awful pink slab of bubble gum,

Penny candy, 35 cent a gallon gasoline, Jiffy Pop popcorn

Do you remember a time when... Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?

It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?

A foot of snow was a dream come true?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?

"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?

War was a card game?

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!