Sunday, January 27, 2008

"Don't Forget Your Girlfriends"

I sat on a summer day, drinking iced tea and visiting with my mother.
"Don't forget your girlfriends," Mother advised, clinking the ice cubes in her glass.
No matter how much you love your husband, you are still going to need girlfriends.
Remember to go places with them now and then;
and do things with them, even when you don't necessarily want to.
And remember that girlfriends are not only friends, but sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers and other relatives too.
Women supporting and relating to other women is our responsibility and our gift.
"What a funny piece of advice," I thought.
"Hadn't Ijust gotten married?
Hadn't I just joined the couple-world?
I was now a married woman, for goodness sake, not some young girl who needed friends!"
But I listened to my Mom. I kept in contact with my girlfriends and even found some
new ones along the way. As the years tumbled by, one after another, I gradually came to understand that Mom really knew what she was talking about!
Here is what I know:
Girl friends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you need help;
Girlfriends keep your children and your secrets.
Girlfriends give advice when you ask, sometimes you take it and sometimes you don't.
Girlfriends don't always tell you you're right, but they usually tell the truth.
Girlfriends still love you, even when they disagree with your choices.
Girlfriends laugh with you and don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.
Girlfriends pull you out of jams.
Girlfriends don't keep a calendar of who hosted the other's last big party.
Girlfriends will celebrate for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that happens.
Girlfriends are there for you in an instant, and when the hard times come.
Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.
Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.
Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.
Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.
Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.
Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.
Times passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up.
Marriages fail. Love waxes and wanes. Hearts break. Careers end.
Jobs come and go. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors.
Men don't call when they say they will.
But girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out. My daughters, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, nieces, cousins, extended family,
and friends bless my life.
The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead, nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

The **BIG** M

A Wise Woman....

"It is better to have loved and lost ...than have spent the rest of your life with an asshole."

I'm A Bitch, Are You???

I'm A Bitch, Are You?

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, or do things my own way,
they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch entails raising my children to be strong people who have a solid
sense of personal and social responsibility, who are not afraid to stand
up for what they believe in and who love and respect themselves
for the beautiful beings they are.

Being a bitch means that I am free to be the wonderful creature
that am, with all my own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step
on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it,
I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of
being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

I am proud to be a bitch!
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be
who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what
they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated, and determined. By God, I want what I want,
and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.

You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

Author Unknown


one old love she can imagine going back to ...
and one who reminds her how far she has come ...
enough money within her control to move out and rent
a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
something perfect to wear if the employer or date
of her dreams wants to see her in an hour ...
a youth she's content to leave behind...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra ...
one friend who always makes her laugh...
and one who lets her cry ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by
anyone else in her family ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that
will make her guests feel honored ...
a feeling of control over her destiny ...
how to fall in love without losing herself ...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship ...
when to try harder ...
and when to walk away ...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips,
or the nature of her parents ...
that her childhood may not have been perfect ...
but its over ...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more ...
how to live alone ...
even if she doesn't like it ...
whom she can trust, whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally ...
where to go ...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table ...
or a charming inn in the woods ...
when her soul needs soothing ...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day ...
a month ...
and a year ...
Author Unknown

Woman In The Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self, and the world makes you queen for a day, Just go to a mirror and look at yourself, and see what THAT woman has to say.

Some people may think you a straight-shootin' chum, And call you a person of place, But the woman in the glass says you're only a bum if you can't look her straight in the face.

She's the woman to please, never mind all the rest, For she's with you clear up to the end, And you've pased your most dangerous, difficult test, If the woman in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years, And get pats on the back as you pass, But your final reward will be heartaches and tears, If you've cheated the woman in the glass!

Author Unknown

What Else PMS Stands For:

Psychotic Mood Shift
Pass My Shotgun
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid-Section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Mid-Life Is When........

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream
"Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!"

Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, teenager and think:
"For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can still retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally ... more red
and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the "big" questions.
What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before
it's no longer a healthy choice?

But ... mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.

We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our loved ones make
the journey worthwhile.

Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had back then?

Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all of the wisdom
and love we've acquired ... that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Power and Beauty of your Youth.....

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind ... You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now ... how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions

When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to
take over my yard.
My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person
who probably wants money and I look away.
My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much
rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen.
My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words.
If they don'tknow them, they make up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up
my hair and pulling me back when I walk.
My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they
fall to the ground laughing.
When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that.
My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends.
Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet,
I would miss my Mommy and Daddy."
When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets.
My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?
No wonder God loves the little children!
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and
realize they were the big things.
I wish the world Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!!!
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away."


All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

It took five minutes for the TV to warm up?

Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?

Nobody owned a purebred dog?

When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had
their hair done every day and wore high heels?

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped,
without asking, all for free, every time?
And you didn't pay for air?
And, you got trading stamps to boot?

Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a
real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . ...and they did?

When a 55 Chevy was everyone's dream cruise, peel out, lay rubber
or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in
the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things
like, "That cloud looks like a ..."

and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?

Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because
no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in
time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today?

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that
awaited the student at home?

Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't
because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!

But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Do you remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Doody
and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger,

The Shadow Knows,
Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.
As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games,

Hula Hoops, bowling
and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn't that feel good,
just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"?

And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better
and too young to care.

How many of these do you remember?

Candy cigarettes, Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside, Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles,

Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes, Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum,

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers,
Newsreels before the movie,

P.F. Fliers, Telephone numbers with a
word prefix....(Raymond 4-601). Party lines, Peashooters, Howdy Doody,

45 RPM records, Green Stamps, Hi-Fi's, Metal ice cube trays with
levers, Mimeograph paper, Beanie and Cecil,

Roller-skate keys, Cork pop guns,
Drive ins, Studebakers, Washtub wringers,

The Fuller Brush Man, Reel-To-Reel tape
recorders, Tinkertoys, Erector Sets, The Fort Apache Play Set,

Lincoln Logs,
15 cent McDonald hamburgers,
5 cent packs of baseball cards - with that awful pink slab of bubble gum,

Penny candy, 35 cent a gallon gasoline, Jiffy Pop popcorn

Do you remember a time when... Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?

It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?

A foot of snow was a dream come true?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?

"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?

War was a card game?

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck (written after she found out she was dying from cancer). I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's." But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it...and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day.

The Years of a Woman

The Years Of A Woman Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen. Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella. Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mum I can't go to school looking like this!) Age 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going out anyway. Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's going out anyway. Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "clean" and goes out anyway. Age 50: She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go. Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: She looks at herself & sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life. Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a PURPLE hat and goes out to have fun with the world.

Prone to Swinging.....

I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose.
Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.

THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
~Author Unknown~

No Peer Pressure....

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes.
Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

A Women's Random Thoughts

A Woman's Random Thoughts

~~If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free .......You either married it or gave birth to it~~

~~Insanity is my only means of relaxation~~

~~Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring~~

~~Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget
where they left them~~

~~One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman
gain five pounds~~

~~My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely~~

~~The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes~~

~~The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what
you're doing, someone else does~~

~~The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body
and your fat are really good friends~~

~~Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today~~

~~Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness~~

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together
and setting my pantyhose on fire~~

~~Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!~~

~~Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys....but I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat~~

~~A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids,
but she doesn't really care~~

~~They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative
but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock
class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch... do it and die."~~

~~The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then
they marry him~~

~~I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much,
impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That is my idea of a perfect day~~

~~If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?~~