Monday, January 25, 2010


1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner
like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less
food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/
her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away
like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will. Stay in touch.

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Saturday, January 23, 2010


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into..
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo,
the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard,' he says.
'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year old
draws a bath. She puts her foot in & pauses. She yells to the other sisters,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up & see.'
She starts up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head & says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.'
She then yells, 'I'll come up & help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer ....'
A little old lady was going up & down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked,
she would flip up the hem of her night-gow n & say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an
elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup..'
Now this one is just too Precious... !
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared
all kinds of activities & adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the
other & said, 'Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time,
but I just can't think of your name! I've thought & thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is '
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared & glared at her.
Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
I love this one.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.. Answering, he
heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Ernie, I just heard on the news
that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Ernie, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the
dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight
was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to
herself, 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
& the light was red again. Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red & they went on through.
So, she turned to the other woman & said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through
three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her & said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'

Monday, January 11, 2010

Andy Rooney on Sex A bit salty but a smiler

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big dick or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex.....she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying...."No hard feelings"

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once....but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?

Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?

Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed'.....many men still sleep with their wives!